THE "DASH" GUY

What are “daddy wounds”?  Why do we need to deal with them?

You ask such great questions!!

 

First of all, what is a “daddy wound”?  I believe the answer is pretty self explanatory, but just in case it is not. These are the wounds that a child experiences from the involvement or the lack there of, their father in their life. So a natural follow up question would be. Is there a difference between a father and a daddy?

 

Webster’s definition of a father: a man who has begotten a child. Notice this definition starts and stops at the point of the creation of the child. A man is recognized as a father because he was biologically able to produce a child. However; this does not mean he is a daddy.

 

In other words, I believe a man can be a father and not a daddy and vice-versa. See “What is a Dad?” for more information.

 

Let me explain what I mean. Just because a man can produce a child does not mean he is willing and able to take care of it. Likewise, just because a man is not biologically able to produce a child does not mean he is not willing and able to take care of a child.

 

Therefore; I believe a daddy is a term of endearment, which only someone else can bestow upon a man, based on a role or function he has performed in their life. See “What is a Dad?”  for more information.

 

In my own life, I acknowledged the man who is my biological father, but he was not in my mind, my daddy. I considered my step-father as my daddy, because he was there to provide for me and to teach me the various things I needed to know as a young boy.  See the “About” section for more information on my story.

 

You are probably asking, “How does this relate to daddy wounds?” 

 

In life there are some implied expectations that are developed, due to the social norms of our society.  I believe parents’ taking care of their children is an expectation that falls in this category.  This expectation is so intertwined in the fabric of our society, that when men don’t take care of their children, they are dishonored and referred to as “dead-beat” dads.

 

Also, the child has some expectation of their father as well. They expect their father to take care of them, provide for them and to be involved in their life. When that does not occur, the child is left with a feeling of rejection and a sense of unworthiness, and a low sense of value, etc.  

 

These feelings left uncorrected, leads to anger, rage and bitterness; resulting in “daddy wounds”.

 

If these daddy wounds are not addressed properly, children will develop a “poor” image of men and a negative “cycle” is passed on to future generations, due to the negative impact of their father. Therefore; boys develop a distorted view of manhood (i.e. fathering children without taking responsibility for their well-being). Also, girls grow up with a distorted view of men as well (i.e. seeking the affection and attention of a man, resulting in teenage pregnancy and unwed mothers). This negative cycle that has now been created continues throughout future generations, until someone decides to break it.

 

I saw a negative cycle among the men in my family. I decided to break the cycle. I didn’t want my daughters or my son to grow up without their father in their lives and have to deal with daddy wounds like me.

 

Men, if you see a negative cycle in your family like me.  I am challenging you to break the cycle!! If your father was not the man he should have been in your life. Or if you have not been the man you should been in your child’s life; make a commitment today, to stop the cycle!!  See “Happy Fathers Day” for more information.  Also, request your FREE COPY of “10 Ways Dads Can Positively Impact Their Children”.  (See the request box above.)

 

Our children deserve better!!

 

Please provide me your comments on this topic. If you have additional topics you would like to see us discuss, please send me an email or post a comment.

 

Also, refer this site to other men you know, so we all can journey together!!

 

For the woman in your life, my wife (Sylvia) has a personal development site focused specifically on the needs and concerns of women. The site is called, www.thedashlady.com. 

 

Also, we have a joint site focused on the needs and concerns of couples (i.e. married, engaged, and seriously dating). This site is focused on helping couples to grow together through personal development. The site is called, www.marriagerhythm.com.  

 

Please visit these sites and leave us a comment about the current posts. 

      

Again, thanks for visiting this site.   

 

 

Randy

The “DASH” Guy

randyclark@thedashguy.com

www.thedashguy.com

 

Uncategorized achievement, Daddy wounds, father wounds, fatherhood, fathers, men issues, men needs, parenting, success

During the month of June we celebrate “Fathers Day”. A day we set aside to recognize the man who is partly responsible for us being in this world.  (I say partly, because I realized that our mom played a major role too.) Some refer to him as dad, daddy, my “ole” man, “pops” and the list goes on.

 

If you noticed I placed quote marks in the title around the word: Happy. The reason being, I realize that everyone does not have happy memories of the man identified as their father. But I do know one thing; you can be assured that every one of us will think about that man in our life at least once a year, on Fathers Day.

 

This reflection will bring about fun and happy memories for those individuals whose father was involved in their life: taking the time to spent with them; making sure their needs were met; holding and comforting them when they were hurting; showing up for the important events in their child’s life, etc.

 

But, there are those who will have feelings of anger, rage and bitterness, because their father was absent or did not take the time for various reasons to be involved in his child’s life. These individuals will reflect on the feeling of rejection, the feeling of unworthiness, the care they should have received, but did not, etc.

 

I fully understand this point of view, because it was my perspective on Fathers Day for many years of my life. See the “About” section for more details on my story.

 

Men I mentioned this because I want each of us to have a positive impact on our children. Also, I want each child to grow up knowing what it means to have their father involved in their life. Our children need and deserve our love, attention, and care in their lives. For more information see “What is a Dad?”. Also request now your FREE COPY of “10 Way Dads Can Positively Impact Their Children”. (See the request box above)

 

Yes, I hear some of you saying, “Man you don’t know my child’s mom; she is crazy!!”  That maybe true, but your bad relationship with their mom, does not excuse your lack of a relationship with your child. 

 

Men, just like it takes both a mother and a father to produce a child, it takes both parents to produce a well-balance child. There are some things in life your child will lack, if you are not involved in their life. For more information request now your FREE COPY of “10 Way Dads Can Positively Impact Their Children”. (See the request box above)

 

Or maybe you are saying, “My kids are grown now; it is too late to correct this problem”. I promise you it is never too late to get involved in your child’s life and it is very much needed. See the “About” section for more details on my story.

 

Or maybe you are saying, “My father could care less about me or what I think. I haven’t seen or talked with him in years.” I want to take a few minutes to talk to you directly.  I fully understand your point, I have been there too. What I found in my own life, I was not free and able to be the father I needed to be in my own children lives, because I was holding on to anger and bitterness toward my father. I would suggest that you surprise you father and give him a call.

 

I did. I called my father on Fathers Day, because I was already thinking about him anyway. 

 

I was an adult, with three children of my own, but I still realized I needed a relationship with my father. Not the same relationship I needed when I was a child, it was too late for that, but I needed a relationship to release me from the pain of my past. See “Dealing with Your Daddy Wounds” for more information.

 

Or maybe you are saying, “My father is dead or I don’t know where he is?” I would suggest that you sit down and write him a letter. In this letter, share with him how you felt growing up without him in your life, be as specific as possible (i.e. I was angry that you were not there to teach me how to throw a football, take me to a ball game or teach me how to change a flat tire, etc.). If he is dead, visit the gravesite and read the letter. If you don’t know where he is, asked a trusted male friend to allow you to read the letter to him. This activity will allow you to release the pain of your past.

 

Please note sometimes even if you do what was suggested above your father may not want to have a relationship with you; but that is Ok, at least you did your part and now you are free to live your life. Just find some other men you admire and establish a “fatherly” relationship with them.

 

Remember Father Day will come every year, the question is will it be a “Happy” Fathers Day!!

 

Please provide me your comments on this topic. If you have additional topics you would like to see us discuss, please send me an email or post a comment.

 

Also, refer this site to other men you know, so we all can journey together!!

 

 

For the woman in your life, my wife (Sylvia) has a personal development site focused specifically on the needs and concerns of women. The site is called, www.thedashlady.com. 

 

Also, we have a joint site focused on the needs and concerns of couples (i.e. married, engaged, and seriously dating). This site is focused on helping couples to grow together through personal development. The site is called, www.marriagerhythm.com.  

 

Please visit these sites and leave us a comment about the current posts. 

   

Again, thanks for visiting this site.   

 

Randy

The “DASH” Guy

randyclark@thedashguy.com

www.thedashguy.com

Uncategorized achievement, fatherhood, fathers, Happy Fathers Day, men issues, men needs, parenting, success

Uncategorized absent fathers, achievement, dad, fatherhood, fathers, men issues, men needs, parenting, success