THE "DASH" GUY

 Recently, I had the privilege to re-read one of my all-time favorite books; “Who Moved My Cheese?” by Spencer Johnson M.D. If you have never read this book, I encourage you to get a copy and read it ASAP. (Click on the link in the Recommended Resource Section to purchase a copy now).

 

This book focuses on the different perspectives individuals have regarding the changes in their lives. These changes can occur in any area of our life (i.e. personal life, career, financial status, etc.)

 

Also, the book talks about how our “fears” and resistance to change, sometimes paralyzes and prevents us from moving forward to seize the new opportunities (“new cheese”) available to us.

 

The “cheese” in the book is a metaphor for the things we want in life (i.e. relationships, careers, financial status, security, etc.). The backdrop of the book is a “maze”, which represents the various places where we look for what we want (i.e. work, family, community, etc.).

 

In light of the major changes many individuals and families have experienced lately due to the poor economy, I encourage you to read this book, even if you have read it before.

 

As I read the book, I was reminded of the need for me to be aware of and assess what is occurring around me at all times. Also, to face the facts of what I see during this assessment and the courage to implement the changes I need to make regardless to how fearful, uncomfortable or indifferent I may feel about the changes.

 

Yes, I hear you saying, “Why is that important?”

 

In the book, “Who Moved My Cheese?” the author uses four characters to portrait the various perspectives individuals have when faced with changes in their life. The characters are two mice (Sniff and Scurry) and two little people (Hem and Haw). 

 

The Sniff character represents those individuals who are seldom surprised by changes, because they are constantly assessing the situation around them. They read about market trends, the latest fads, new technologies, etc. They welcome the change and see the change as a challenge and a new opportunity.

 

The Scurry character represents those individuals who are busy trying to develop and implement a strategic plan to take advantage of the new opportunities available to them.   

  

Both Sniff and Scurry understand the importance of embracing the change and the potential benefits the new opportunities presences to them.

 

The Haw character represents those individuals that are somewhat resistance to change. They like things just the way they are. Their life motto is; “If it is not broken, leave it along!!”. However; if they are faced with a “do or die” situation, they will make the necessary changes to survive.

 

Finally, there is the Hem character; this individual is very resistance to change. He is in opposition to any suggestion of changing. He is very comfortable and satisfied with things just as they are. So much so, that his resistance to change may be to his detriment.

 

Why am I telling you about this book and these characters?

 

Because each of us must determine, which of these characters is more reflective of our perspective? In other words, what is my perspective about change? Our perspective regarding change and our response or reaction to the changes that occur in our lives will ultimately determine what we will be able to accomplish in life and the quality of our lives.

 

I have learned a couple principles in my life that I believe can help us deal with the changes that are going to occur.

 

First of all, we must guard against complacency. Life is not a “static” journey; we must realize that every thing in our lives that is growing is changing. Therefore; we must remain flexible, if we want to receive the benefits that life has to offer. 

 

Secondly, we must guard against the “common” thinking of our day. We live in a society where people often “judge” others and assess their own “value” based on some defective criteria (i.e. how much money you earn; where you live; what you do for a living; your educational level; etc.).

 

If we accept this way of thinking, when things change in our lives (i.e. lost of a job, financial setbacks, divorce, etc.), it can have a very negative impact in our life. In other words, many will experience a lowering in their self-esteem and sense of self-worth as a result of the changes.

 

Therefore; my personal philosophy in life to guard against these tendencies is to remain flexible, don’t hold on too tight to the things of life, because they are only temporal. Also, don’t allow other people and things to define who you are, because life consists of “seasons” and just like in nature; each season has a purpose in helping to mold, shape and help us to grow in certain areas in our life. 

 

Remember in life, changes will occur (our “cheese” will get moved), we must decide if we will embrace the change and seek out new opportunities or try to hold on to the past and that which is familiar and comfortable, ultimately wasting time and potential by gazing at a door that has been closed.

 

Please provide me your comments on this topic. If you have additional topics you would like to see us discuss, please send me an email or post a comment.

 

Also, refer this site to other men you know, so we all can journey together!! 

 

For the woman in your life, my wife (Sylvia) has a personal development site focused specifically on the needs and concerns of women. The site is called, www.thedashlady.com. 

 

Also, we have a joint site focused on the needs and concerns of couples (i.e. married, engaged, and seriously dating). This site is focused on helping couples to grow together through personal development. The site is called, www.marriagerhythm.com.  

 

Please visit these sites and leave us a comment about the current posts. 

    

Again, thanks for visiting this site.   

 

Randy

The “DASH” Guy

randyclark@thedashguy.com

www.thedashguy.com

Uncategorized achievement, men issues, men needs, success

 

As the “world” mourns the sudden and unexpected death of Michael Jackson, I guess his death will be one of those “historic markers” that we all have in our life.

 

In other words, these are major events in our history that are defining moments in our lives. Events such as the death of President John F. Kennedy, the death of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and now the death of Michael Jackson; these are events that impact us so, that they etch out a special place in our memory banks. 

 

We reference these events, by asking others, “Where were you when you heard that (JFK, Martin, or Michael) died?”

 

I will be honest with you; I was not going to write about the death of Michael Jackson, because I figured we would get a “full dose” of information from the news media. However; since I received several comments from others asking me if I planned to write a post on my site, I decided to write this one.

 

The more I thought about it, I felt Michael Jackson’s life is an example of what I am truly trying to challenge us all as men to do, live out our “DASH” (Dreams, Achievement, Success, and Happiness).

 

Michael’s dream of being an entertainer started as a young child and he achieved phenomenal success while bringing happiness to millions over a forty plus year career. I believe we can agree that he truly had a positive impact on the lives of others, which extended through multiple generations.

 

Yes, I know there are those who would like to define him and his life’s work by the accusation and trials that were media frenzies. Regardless, if we think the accusation are true or not, should not be the criteria by which Michael or anyone else is judged by society. I would submit that we should look at the collective body of a person’s life work to make a final determination of the impact (positively or negatively) of their life on society.

 

As I looked at the media coverage of large crowds of people gathered at various places throughout the world, which could be in some kind of way associated with Michael; they came together to support each other because they shared a common bond and love for Michael Jackson.

 

Obviously; these gatherings provides us a glimpse of what many individuals across various races and regions think of the man and his work. Many lives were impacted by this young child who was born in Gary Indiana, into a large family, from humble beginnings, but went on to become one of the greatest entertainers of history.

 

But, I couldn’t help but think about the “painful” side of Michael’s life. I saw a man even though he had obtain “superstar” status in a lot of people minds, seem to be living with a “void” he tried to, but could not fill.

 

It was not a secret that Michael’s relationship with his father was somewhat estranged. I believe he lived his life trying to please his father and to receive from him the affirmation and love every child needs.  Unfortunately, I am not sure he was successful in his quest for his father’s acceptance, and because he was not successful, it “stunted” Michael’s emotional and psychological development as a man, resulting in his eccentric life style later in his life.

 

In spite of his private pain, Michael did what many of us had to do; he tried to break the “cycle” with his own children. Yes, there has been a lot of controversy regarding his children. But, I believe Michael was trying to show his father through his relationship with his own children what he needed from him. He wanted to show his father the love and acceptance a father should willingly give to his child. 

 

Finally, regardless of which perspective or opinion we individually may have about the life of Michael Jackson, I believe history will remember him positively for the love and happiness he provided for many through his music and humanitarian actions.

 

Rest In Peace, Michael Jackson, thanks for living out your “DASH” in my lifetime. We all will miss you!!       

 

 

Please provide me your comments on this topic. If you have additional topics you would like to see us discuss, please send me an email or post a comment.

 

Also, refer this site to other men you know, so we all can journey together!! 

 

For the woman in your life, my wife (Sylvia) has a personal development site focused specifically on the needs and concerns of women. The site is called, www.thedashlady.com. 

 

Also, we have a joint site focused on the needs and concerns of couples (i.e. married, engaged, and seriously dating). This site is focused on helping couples to grow together through personal development. The site is called, www.marriagerhythm.com.  

 

Please visit these sites and leave us a comment about the current posts. 

    

Again, thanks for visiting this site.   

 

Randy

The “DASH” Guy

randyclark@thedashguy.com

www.thedashguy.com

Uncategorized achievement, fatherhood, fathers, Joe Jackson, men issues, men needs, Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson's Father, parenting, success

 

Men, I want to share with you Principle 3 of a 10 Principle report I developed called,

“10 Ways Dads Can Positively Impact Their Child”. 

 

 If you would like to receive all 10 Principles, request your FREE copy of the report in the request box on this site. 

 

 These are the same principles that I used in raising my three adult children. I think you will find these principles to be very practical, but yet powerful and impactful in the life of your child.  

 

 

3.    Children need a Dad to help them to create a vision for their life

 

 

Dads, we need to seek God’s face regarding what His purpose is for our child’s life.

 

“Where there is no vision, the people perish.” (Proverbs 29:18). We see the evidence of this everyday in our communities (i.e. teen pregnancy, gang violence, drug and alcohol abuse, etc.)

 

We need to help them develop a vision for their life. We need to help them to see the “Big Picture” of life, because children tend to operate in the immediate or presence, they tend not to give any attention to the future or long-term goals.

 

Therefore; as dads we can help them in this area by asking, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”  “What do you feel God wants you to do with your life?”

 

I believe when a child has a vision for their life, it helps them in many ways: it provides an overall direction for their life; it provides them the motivation to set and achieve goals; it provides them the self-discipline they need to stay focused; it helps them with their short and long-term decision-making; it helps them in determining which courses to take in school; it helps them to decide which college to attend and/or profession to pursue; and it helps them in choosing their friends. I use to tell my kids when they were growing up, “Choose your friends wisely, because people will either help you or hinder you from achieving your goals in life.”  

 

I remember when my youngest daughter was a little girl, around nine or ten years old. I asked her the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” This was a question I had asked her several times in the past, but this day she told me, “I want to be a doctor”. Like most parents, I was a little shocked, but excited about her declaration. I thought to myself, “Where did she get that idea from?” You see, we have a large family and there is not a doctor anywhere in her family tree on both sides.

 

As her dad, I had a choice that day. Either I would tell her how unrealistic her dream was or remember that children are like “wet cement”, they have “unlimited” potential.  (See Dads, Your Child Is Like “Wet Cement” for more information.) I chose the later. I decided that if she could conceive the idea of being a doctor, in spite of the odds stacked against her, as her dad I could believe it too.

 

I told her that day, “Yes, you can be a doctor!!”  I went even further; I started to create a vision in her life.

 

I told her, “Can’t you hear them; they are calling your name on the PA System!!”  “Doctor Sharonda Clark!!” “Calling, Doctor Sharonda Clark !!”   This great BIG smile came across her face, when see “saw” the vision I was creating for her life.

 

I will admit, one of the greatest joys of our lives, was when she received her Medical Degree in Psychiatry, from the University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston, Texas in May 2008.  As proud parents and family members of this new doctor, we raised in the air on graduation day a banner, which read: “Praise Him for a Dream 20 years in the Making; Realized!!”

 

Later that summer, during a reception we had honoring our daughter, Dr. Sharonda Clark. She shared with the audience at the reception, “There were many days along the way, I wanted to quit.”  “But, I could hear my daddy’s voice in my head saying,”  “Doctor Sharonda Clark!!”  “Calling, Doctor Sharonda Clark!!”  These words kept her focused on the goal.

 

Dads, what would have happened to this little girl’s dream, if I had made the mistake so many parents make, when they tell their child what they can not do, instead of encouraging them to pursue their dreams? 

 

Please don’t make this mistake in your child’s life!!

 

If you would like to receive all 10 Principles, request your FREE copy of the report in the request box on this site.   

 

 

Please provide me your comments on this topic. If you have additional topics you would like to see us discuss, please send me an email or post a comment.

 

Also, refer this site to other men you know, so we all can journey together!! 

 

For the woman in your life, my wife (Sylvia) has a personal development site focused specifically on the needs and concerns of women. The site is called, www.thedashlady.com. 

 

Also, we have a joint site focused on the needs and concerns of couples

(i.e. married, engaged, and seriously dating). This site is focused on helping couples to grow together through personal development. The site is called, www.marriagerhythm.com.  

 

Please visit these sites and leave us a comment about the current posts. 

    

Again, thanks for visiting this site.   

 

Randy

The “DASH” Guy

randyclark@thedashguy.com

www.thedashguy.com

 

 

 

 

 

Uncategorized achievement, fatherhood, fathers, men issues, men needs, parenting, success

Please provide me your comments on this topic. If you have additional topics you would like to see us discuss, please send me an email or post a comment.

Men, I want to share with you Principle 1 of a 10 Principle report I developed called,

“10 Ways Dads Can Positively Impact Their Child”. 

 

 

If you would like to receive all 10 Principles, request your FREE copy of the report in the request box on this site. 

 

 

These are the same principles that I used in raising my three adult children. I think you will find these principles to be very practical, but yet powerful and impactful in the life of your child.  

 

 

1.    Children need a Dad who understands that when they are born, they are like “wet cement”.

 

When I think of “wet cement”, it has great potential in every batch. It can be shaped into a great monument that is appreciated by all. It can be shaped into a bridge, to provide access to areas that were previously considered unreachable. It can be shaped into a building, which provides safety, shelter, and security for many. It can be shaped into the world’s largest football stadium, which can be used to host the Super Bowl and many other great events.

 

Or it can be shaped into a “pile of debris”, which becomes an eye sore and/or an obstacle to others.

 

The question we should asked ourselves. “What determines the difference in each of these batches of cement?” The answer is. “What ultimately happens to each batch of cement is determined by the vision of the one who has control over it.”

 

If he views the cement as worthless, then nothing of value will come out of it. However; if he looks at the cement through the “lens” of a great vision, something great will come out of it.

 

Dads, we must believe and help our children to believe as well, that wrapped up in them is “unlimited” potential.  

 

It has been said, that children are born in a state of “Tabular Rasa”, which is a Latin term that means “blank slate”.  The parents, the child, and the world around them “writes” on their slate, which ultimately determines what the child thinks about themselves, their view of others, their self-esteem, their level of confidence, etc. 

 

Therefore; as dads we must be careful what we say to our children, because words really do hurt!!

 

For example: We must not call our child names (i.e. stupid, retarded, hard-headed, etc.), because they will become what we tell them they are!! 

 

If you would like to receive all 10 Principles, request your FREE copy of the report in the request box on this site. 

 

 

 

Also, refer this site to other men you know, so we all can journey together!! 

 

For the woman in your life, my wife (Sylvia) has a personal development site focused specifically on the needs and concerns of women. The site is called, www.thedashlady.com. 

 

Also, we have a joint site focused on the needs and concerns of couples

(i.e. married, engaged, and seriously dating). This site is focused on helping couples to grow together through personal development. The site is called, www.marriagerhythm.com.  

 

Please visit these sites and leave us a comment about the current posts. 

    

Again, thanks for visiting this site.   

 

Randy

The “DASH” Guy

randyclark@thedashguy.com

www.thedashguy.com

Uncategorized achievement, fatherhood, fathers, men issues, men needs, parenting, success

 

President Barack Obama, a man who has accomplished great and amazing things in his life time. A Harvard Law School graduate, U.S. Senator, the 44^th President of the United States and the nation’s first African American President, but in spite of his success, there are some challenges in his life, which are “common” too many of us.  He was raised in a single-parent home by his mom with help from his grand-parents.

 

Since he was raised without his father, it helped him to understand the importance of

being involved in the lives of his own children.

 

Below are excerpters of his comments during a town hall meeting at the White House, where he invited some local youth and fathers from various backgrounds.

 

“And when fathers are absent — when they abandon their responsibilities to their children — we know the damage that that does to our families.  Some of you know the statistics:  Children who grow up without fathers are more likely to drop out of school and wind up in prison.  They’re more likely to have substance abuse problems, run away from home, and become teenage parents themselves.”

 

“And I say this as someone who grew up without a father in my own life.  I had a heroic mom and wonderful grandparents who helped raise me and my sister, and it’s because of them that I’m able to stand here today.  But despite all their extraordinary love and attention, that doesn’t mean that I didn’t feel my father’s absence.  That’s something that leaves a hole in a child’s heart that a government can’t fill.”

 

“If we want our children to succeed in life, we need fathers to step up.  We need fathers to understand that their work doesn’t end with conception — that what truly makes a man a father is the ability to raise a child and invest in that child.”

 

“I know that some of the young men who are here today might have their own concerns one day about being a dad.  Some of you might be worried that if you didn’t have a father, then you don’t know how to be one when your turn comes.  Some of you might even use that as an excuse, and say, “Well, if my dad wasn’t around, why should I be?”

 

“Let’s be clear:  Just because your own father wasn’t there for you, that’s not an excuse for you to be absent also — it’s all the more reason for you to be present.  There’s no rule that says that you have to repeat your father’s mistakes.  Just the opposite — you have an obligation to break the cycle and to learn from those mistakes, and to rise up where your own fathers fell short and to do better than they did with your own children.”

 

“That’s what I’ve tried to do in my life.  When my daughters were born, I made a pledge to them, and to myself, that I would do everything I could to give them some things I didn’t have.  And I decided that if I could be one thing in life, it would be to be a good father.”

 

To read the entire article, A Town Hall on Fatherhood.

Men, our children need us to be actively involved in their lives.

If you will join the President and other men who have decided to “break” the cycle of absentee fathers in the lives of their children, make a commitment today. Regardless of your involvement in the past, make a “fresh” start today.

Fathers Day is a GREAT day to make a new commitment to Fatherhood!!

To provide men with some practical ways to be more involved in their child’s life, I have written a report that I want you to have. To request your FREE copy of the, “10 Ways Dads Can Positively Impact Their Child”, see the request box on this site.

If you are struggling with some issues regarding your relationship with your father, please click on the following articles for more information, “Dealing With Your Daddy Wounds” and “Happy Fathers Day.

Please provide me your comments on this topic. If you have additional topics you would like to see us discuss, please send me an email or post a comment.

 

Also, refer this site to other men you know, so we all can journey together!! 

 

For the woman in your life, my wife (Sylvia) has a personal development site focused specifically on the needs and concerns of women. The site is called, www.thedashlady.com. 

 

Also, we have a joint site focused on the needs and concerns of couples

(i.e. married, engaged, and seriously dating). This site is focused on helping couples to grow together through personal development. The site is called, www.marriagerhythm.com.  

 

Please visit these sites and leave us a comment about the current posts. 

    

Again, thanks for visiting this site.   

 

Randy

The “DASH” Guy

randyclark@thedashguy.com

www.thedashguy.com

Uncategorized achievement, fatherhood, fathers, men issues, men needs, parenting, president Obama Speaks on Fatherhood, success

 

Recently, I received a video, which was one of the most powerful videos I have ever seen before. I am quite sure you may have received it as well.

 

The video was called, “Knock, Knock” by Daniel Beaty. If you have not seen it, please view it now (Click on the name of video).

 

In this video, Beaty shares about his relationship with his “papa” (his father).

 

When he was a little boy, they had a game they played each day called,

“Knock, Knock”.

 

Beaty shares a passionate story of a father’s love for his son and a son’s love for his father. However; Beaty’s relationship with his father was suddenly and

un-expectantly interrupted, because his father went to jail for some unknown reason.

 

Beaty shares the pain he has felt for over 25 years growing up without his father in his life and the things he “lacked” because his father was not there to teach them to him. See “Happy” Fathers Day and “Dealing With Your Daddy Wounds” for more information.

 

Unfortunately, Beaty’s story is an all too familiar story today. It is the story of many young boys (and girls) across our land, which awakens each day with an ever presence pain and the taste of “salty” tears related to not having their father in their life.

 

Like Beaty, these children are trying to “heal” from their “daddy wounds”, but they often don’t know how. Some turn to gangs and violence; drugs and alcohol; sex; etc. just trying to numb their pain. These methods do not work; they only lead to creating negative “cycles” in their lives and families that continue throughout future generations, until someone decides to break the cycle.

 

Men, just like Beaty, our sons (and daughters) need to be affirmed by us!! They need to know that we love them and we are proud of them. Yes, they may hear

“I love you” from their moms, but they need to hear it from us as well.

 

There are a lot of men (young and old a like) going through life with a “chip” on their shoulder, with bad attitudes, with an underline frustration in their lives, or an unhealthy competitive spirit, all because they wanted their father’s approval, but did not receive it. They say, “If I achieve this goal or obtain that goal, then my father will love and acknowledge me.”

 

Men, there are some things in life our children will “lack”, if they don’t receive it

from us!!

 

But, like Beaty, many of us have made it in life in spite of not having our fathers’ presence and involvement in our lives. However; many of us are still wondering what we could have accomplished with his help.

 

I have developed a report, “10 Ways Dads Can Positively Impact Their Child”, to request your FREE copy of this report now. See the request box on this website.

 

Please provide me your comments on this topic. If you have additional topics you would like to see us discuss, please send me an email or post a comment.

 

Also, refer this site to other men you know, so we all can journey together!! 

 

For the woman in your life, my wife (Sylvia) has a personal development site focused specifically on the needs and concerns of women. The site is called, www.thedashlady.com. 

 

Also, we have a joint site focused on the needs and concerns of couples

(i.e. married, engaged, and seriously dating). This site is focused on helping couples to grow together through personal development. The site is called, www.marriagerhythm.com.  

 

Please visit these sites and leave us a comment about the current posts. 

    

Again, thanks for visiting this site.   

 

Randy

The “DASH” Guy

randyclark@thedashguy.com

www.thedashguy.com

Uncategorized achievement, fatherhood, fathers, men issues, men needs, parenting, success

If you have not read “What Happens When a Man Lose His Job (Part 1)”, I would suggest that you read it before continuing; otherwise; the suggestions below will not make much sense.

 

 

Since a man’s job is such an important part of his life. “What can he do to minimize the negative affects of the lost of a job?”

 

I would like to suggest that he do the following: Reflect, Renew, Reassess, and Refocus.

 

Reflect:

 

Instead of focusing on the negative (in this case the lost of a job), focus on the positive. My career with Company “XZY” has ended, but I am thankful that I was able to work there “X” years and provide for my family. You can be more specific (i.e. “I was able to send my kids to college”, “I was able to pay off my mortgage.” etc.)

 

Also, try to avoid negative people. These may be in the form of former co-workers, friends, or family members. These individuals are focused on the negative only. They may say to you, “Man I can’t believe they did you like that, after all those years you had with that company.” “That is not right!!”

 

Why should these negative people be avoided? Their negative comments will cause you to waste time and energy sitting around and pondering about what “happened” to you. Also, it encourages a “victim” mindset, instead of helping you to move forward with your life. It will often result in anger and frustration about a door (or opportunity) that has closed in your life, instead of the doors that are open.

 

Renew:

 

Renew your mind. Read a book you have always wanted to read but couldn’t find the time. Go back to college and complete a degree you started or just take a class to enrich your life or retool your skill set. Take up a new hobby or spend more time doing something you enjoy.

 

It is important to do what I refer to as, “de-program” your mind. In other words, get the old job out of your mind to make room for your new opportunity. Depending on how long you were with your former employer, you have spent a lot of time focused on meeting the company’s goals and objectives. The focus now should be primarily on your goals and future plans.

 

I would like to recommend a couple books to read that will help you renew your mind. “Who Moved My Cheese?” by Spencer Johnson and “Dare to Dream” by John C. Maxwell. Click the book titles in the Recommended Resources Section to order these books now!!

 

Reassess:

 

The lost of a job is a “transition” period in your life. It is a time to reassess where you are currently in your life compared to your long-term goals. Take a look at your current skills set and compare them to the market demands, it will let you know if you need to go back to college to complete that degree, pursue an advance degree or take some classes to retool your skills set.

 

Maybe you have always wanted to have your own business, determine if that is the right option for you during this season in your life.

 

Maybe you have always wanted to teach; this may be the time to do it.

 

Maybe you were getting “burnout” anyway with your previous job, so you may want to consider a less stressful job or a job in another industry.

 

Remember a transition period is a good time to reassess where you are currently compared to your long-term goals.

 

Let me share one final note on this area. When I talk with friends who have lost their jobs, I focus my conversation primarily on this area. I tell them, “Think about where you want to go in your life.”  “What do you want to accomplish in your life time?” “What is your final destination point?”

 

I let them know, “Sometimes when we are traveling we have to transfer to another vehicle (i.e. bus, train, airplane, etc.), because the one we are currently riding on can only carry us so far, it does not go to our final destination point.” “Therefore, we have to transfer to another vehicle that is going where we want to go.”

 

The lost of a job can be a “transfer point” in your career travel plans!!

 

Refocus:

           

Once you decide which course of action you will take, commit your full attention and energy to your new venture and future, don’t waste time looking back at the “closed” door.  

 

In conclusion, losing a job can be a difficult situation, but is not the end of the world; it just might be the “boot” you needed to pursue your dreams!!

 

Please provide me your comments on this topic. If you have additional topics you would like to see us discuss, please send me an email or post a comment.

 

Also, refer this site to other men you know, so we all can journey together!! 

 

For the woman in your life, my wife (Sylvia) has a personal development site focused specifically on the needs and concerns of women. The site is called, www.thedashlady.com. 

 

Also, we have a joint site focused on the needs and concerns of couples (i.e. married, engaged, and seriously dating). This site is focused on helping couples to grow together through personal development. The site is called, www.marriagerhythm.com.  

 

Please visit these sites and leave us a comment about the current posts. 

    

Again, thanks for visiting this site.   

 

Randy

The “DASH” Guy

randyclark@thedashguy.com

www.thedashguy.com

Uncategorized achievement, fatherhood, fathers, men issues, men needs, parenting, success, unemployed men

 

 

“I lost my job today.” “I was laid-off today.” Or some variation of these words has been spoken in the homes of hundreds of thousands of U.S. families during the last year. The unemployment rate is the highest it has been in more than 25 years, providing proof of the “hold” the recession has on our economy.

 

The total number of U.S. workers unemployed has reached more than 14.5 million. But, the bright spot, if there is one, is the layoffs are slowing down.

 

Since the current unemployment is 9.4 % and millions of U.S. workers are looking for work many families are experiencing challenges in ways they have never faced before.

 

But a question I want to consider, “What happens to a family when a man loses his job?”

 

Since men tend to be the primary (or sole) income earner in many families, when the man lose his job the economic survival of the family is threaten.  Depending on the age of the man, not only those in his immediate family, but those in his extended families may be affected by this sudden lost of income.

 

For example; If the man is over 40 years old, he may have kids in high school and/or college; he may be helping to support aging parents, so the lost of his income can have a “domino affect” on the entire family.

 

Even though during this season in a man’s life the financial responsibility may be at the highest point; he is able to handle it, because his income is normally at the highest point as well. Therefore; he does not mind it; as a matter of fact; he may even develop a sense of pride knowing that he is taking care of those who are depending on him.

 

But when the man loses his job and is not able to take care of his family, he can be affected in many ways.  He may feels like a “failure”; he may start to lose confidence in his abilities and doubt his “self-worth”; his self-esteem may drop to it lowest point. He may become frustrated, angry, depressed, and even suicidal.

 

Some of you may be going through this situation right now or have in the past; therefore; you can relate to the items above.  

 

The question I want us to consider, “Why does a lost of a job have such a negative impact on a man?”

 

I believe, the reason a man may experience this emotional “roller coaster” when he loses his job is because his job is not just what he does to earn money for his family, but a “BIG” part of his identity. What a man does for a living kind of “indirectly” defines who he is to himself, his family and others. His job can provide him status in the community and a big boost to his ego and self-esteem.

 

When men meet each other for the first time, one of the questions that normally come up during this initial conversation is, “What do you do for a living?”  Or “Who do you work for?”

 

Men use their occupations to relate to each other. For example, Tom may ask Bill, “Who is that guy over there?”  Bill says, “Oh; that is Bob the banker.” Or “That is Bob; he is a VP at the bank.”

 

Since a man’s job is such an important part of his life. “What can he do to minimize the negative affects of a lost of a job?”

 

In Part 2 of this article, “What Happens When A Man Lose His Job Part 2”, I will provide some suggestions to help men to deal with the lost of a job.

 

 

Please provide me your comments on this topic. If you have additional topics you would like to see us discuss, please send me an email or post a comment.

 

Also, refer this site to other men you know, so we all can journey together!! 

 

For the woman in your life, my wife (Sylvia) has a personal development site focused specifically on the needs and concerns of women. The site is called, www.thedashlady.com. 

 

Also, we have a joint site focused on the needs and concerns of couples (i.e. married, engaged, and seriously dating). This site is focused on helping couples to grow together through personal development. The site is called, www.marriagerhythm.com.  

 

Please visit these sites and leave us a comment about the current posts. 

    

Again, thanks for visiting this site.   

 

Randy

The “DASH” Guy

randyclark@thedashguy.com

www.thedashguy.com

 

 

Uncategorized achievement, fatherhood, fathers, job security, men issues, men needs, parenting, success, unemployed men

Contrary to popular belief, a college athlete can truly be a student and an athlete.  Unfortunately, student-athletes like Myron Rolle, a star football player at Florida State University (FSU) don’t seem to get the same level of “press” as those athletes who break the law or become ineligible due low grades.

 

I found Rolle’s story like a “breathe” of fresh air. As I read his story, it became very apparent to me that someone in his life had created a great vision for him. In this case it was his mother (Beverly) and father (Whitney). They were able to help him to see that he can be anything he wanted to be and the only limits in his life is those he place on himself. As a matter of fact, the Rolle family philosophy is a combination of respect and drive.

 

Rolle is not only an outstanding football player, but he plans to become a neurosurgeon; a dream that many think is impossible.

 

In some people minds, being an athlete is a “full-time” job, so they make excuses for their poor performance in the classroom. However; Rolle is proving you can do both, and do them both well. He graduated from FSU in 2 ½ years as a pre-med major.

 

What I believe makes this young man so unique, he has chosen to take a leave from football and possibly a NFL career (and the associated riches) to become a neurosurgeon. He plans to attend Oxford University as a Rhodes Scholar.

 

You are probably asking, “Why is that important?” 

 

It is important, because too many young men have sold their “souls” to the “athletic gods” of our day and they are willing to sacrifice life and limbs to achieve their athlete goals.

 

I believe Rolle is a good role model for younger athletes for two reasons: 1.) He is a student first 2.) He is an athlete second.

 

Rolle seems to understand what so many do not, the chances of him becoming a neurosurgeon is much greater than him being a star in the NFL. Also, he realized that his career as a neurosurgeon would probably be much longer than a career in the NFL.  Therefore; this young man has his priority straight. He sees and understands the “BIG” picture of life.

 

Mr. Rolle, I salute you!!  Keep focused on your dreams. Continue to prove them wrong regarding your abilities.

 

Don’t allow those who seek to benefit from “YOUR Back” to persuade you to settle for less than what you have planned for your life.

 

I believe if Whitney and Beverly Rolle have anything to do with it, they will not let that happen.

 

Keep dreaming and achieving my brother the future looks bright for you!!

 

Please provide me your comments on this topic. If you have additional topics you would like to see us discuss, please send me an email or post a comment.

 

Also, refer this site to other men you know, so we all can journey together!! 

 

 

For the woman in your life, my wife (Sylvia) has a personal development site focused specifically on the needs and concerns of women. The site is called, www.thedashlady.com. 

 

Also, we have a joint site focused on the needs and concerns of couples (i.e. married, engaged, and seriously dating). This site is focused on helping couples to grow together through personal development. The site is called, www.marriagerhythm.com.  

 

Please visit these sites and leave us a comment about the current posts. 

    

Again, thanks for visiting this site.   

  

Randy

The “DASH” Guy

randyclark@thedashguy.com

www.thedashguy.com

 

 

Uncategorized achievement, dreams, fatherhood, fathers, men issues, men needs, parenting, success

What are “daddy wounds”?  Why do we need to deal with them?

You ask such great questions!!

 

First of all, what is a “daddy wound”?  I believe the answer is pretty self explanatory, but just in case it is not. These are the wounds that a child experiences from the involvement or the lack there of, their father in their life. So a natural follow up question would be. Is there a difference between a father and a daddy?

 

Webster’s definition of a father: a man who has begotten a child. Notice this definition starts and stops at the point of the creation of the child. A man is recognized as a father because he was biologically able to produce a child. However; this does not mean he is a daddy.

 

In other words, I believe a man can be a father and not a daddy and vice-versa. See “What is a Dad?” for more information.

 

Let me explain what I mean. Just because a man can produce a child does not mean he is willing and able to take care of it. Likewise, just because a man is not biologically able to produce a child does not mean he is not willing and able to take care of a child.

 

Therefore; I believe a daddy is a term of endearment, which only someone else can bestow upon a man, based on a role or function he has performed in their life. See “What is a Dad?”  for more information.

 

In my own life, I acknowledged the man who is my biological father, but he was not in my mind, my daddy. I considered my step-father as my daddy, because he was there to provide for me and to teach me the various things I needed to know as a young boy.  See the “About” section for more information on my story.

 

You are probably asking, “How does this relate to daddy wounds?” 

 

In life there are some implied expectations that are developed, due to the social norms of our society.  I believe parents’ taking care of their children is an expectation that falls in this category.  This expectation is so intertwined in the fabric of our society, that when men don’t take care of their children, they are dishonored and referred to as “dead-beat” dads.

 

Also, the child has some expectation of their father as well. They expect their father to take care of them, provide for them and to be involved in their life. When that does not occur, the child is left with a feeling of rejection and a sense of unworthiness, and a low sense of value, etc.  

 

These feelings left uncorrected, leads to anger, rage and bitterness; resulting in “daddy wounds”.

 

If these daddy wounds are not addressed properly, children will develop a “poor” image of men and a negative “cycle” is passed on to future generations, due to the negative impact of their father. Therefore; boys develop a distorted view of manhood (i.e. fathering children without taking responsibility for their well-being). Also, girls grow up with a distorted view of men as well (i.e. seeking the affection and attention of a man, resulting in teenage pregnancy and unwed mothers). This negative cycle that has now been created continues throughout future generations, until someone decides to break it.

 

I saw a negative cycle among the men in my family. I decided to break the cycle. I didn’t want my daughters or my son to grow up without their father in their lives and have to deal with daddy wounds like me.

 

Men, if you see a negative cycle in your family like me.  I am challenging you to break the cycle!! If your father was not the man he should have been in your life. Or if you have not been the man you should been in your child’s life; make a commitment today, to stop the cycle!!  See “Happy Fathers Day” for more information.  Also, request your FREE COPY of “10 Ways Dads Can Positively Impact Their Children”.  (See the request box above.)

 

Our children deserve better!!

 

Please provide me your comments on this topic. If you have additional topics you would like to see us discuss, please send me an email or post a comment.

 

Also, refer this site to other men you know, so we all can journey together!!

 

For the woman in your life, my wife (Sylvia) has a personal development site focused specifically on the needs and concerns of women. The site is called, www.thedashlady.com. 

 

Also, we have a joint site focused on the needs and concerns of couples (i.e. married, engaged, and seriously dating). This site is focused on helping couples to grow together through personal development. The site is called, www.marriagerhythm.com.  

 

Please visit these sites and leave us a comment about the current posts. 

      

Again, thanks for visiting this site.   

 

 

Randy

The “DASH” Guy

randyclark@thedashguy.com

www.thedashguy.com

 

Uncategorized achievement, Daddy wounds, father wounds, fatherhood, fathers, men issues, men needs, parenting, success