THE "DASH" GUY

 

As a new school year begin; I see and hear parents moaning and groaning about the challenges of finding the appropriate clothes and/or uniforms for their children. Also, the “sticker shock” they have experienced when they try to purchase these items. All of the stress and strain parents go through to help their children be successful in the up coming school year. 

 

However; I believe there is another important ingredient to academic success that is often overlooked or totally omitted by parents in their quest to help their child be successful? And that important ingredient is an academic blueprint (plan).

 

I hear you asking, “Why is an academic blueprint (plan) needed?”

 

If we want to be successful in anything in life we need to have a plan. 

 

Could you imagine a home-builder trying to construct a house without a blueprint (plan)? Just think what would happen if the electrician, the carpenter, the plumber and the brick mason were just allowed to “do their own thing” as it relates to their specific trades in building a house? You can be 100 percent sure of one thing, you will not like the results when it is complete!!

 

Likewise Dads; if we think that our children will be successful academically without a blueprint (plan), we are fooling ourselves and setting them up for failure.

 

Developing a blueprint for academic success, just like in developing a blueprint for a house; you must start with the end results or goal in mind. In other words, you must determine what the final outcome should be or the end results you want to achieve looks like.      

 

You must create a blueprint for academic success that supports the overall vision you have created for your child’s life. See “Dads, You Must Create A Vision For Your Child’s Life” for more information. 

 

In my own life, because I did not have an overall vision for my life, academic success was not important to me. I once viewed school as just something you had to endure for 12 years; which provided very little benefit to my long-term success in life.

 

I remember graduating from high school and did not have a clue what I would be doing for the rest of my life. As a result, I spent the next 5 years of my life, working on “dead end” jobs and trying to find “my place” in life.

 

A turning point came in my life when I was about 22 years old. I was working for a company in the House Keeping Department. One day as I went into this office to empty the trash cans, I saw a guy in the office with his feet on his desk. Since I went into this office area everyday as a part of my job responsibility, I knew this guy well and we often talked about various things.

 

On that day, I say to him, “I can’t believe this, you are sitting here with your feet on this desk making a lot of money and they want let me sit down for a minute and I am only making pennies.”   He told me something that day that changed my view of life in general and education specifically. He said, “Randy, they don’t pay me for what I do, they pay me for what I know.”

 

His comment to me was like someone hitting me on my head with a brick!! I had a “light bulb” moment that day!!

 

I think I made some “smart” comment back to him that day as a way to protect my bruised ego, but his words stayed in my mind.

 

I decided that day, if he could get paid for the knowledge he had, I could too!!

 

I enrolled immediately in a technical school and received a certificate in computer programming. Later, I went back to school and earn two degrees.

 

About 20 years after my conversation with the guy in that office, I had the privilege to talk with him again. I told him he probably did not remember that conversation, but I wanted to thank him, because what he told me that day changed my life.

 

I know you are asking by now, “What is the point of that story?” 

 

I learn on that day, the importance of education. Also, financial success in life is not about how hard you work, but about the value you provide to others.

 

Since I lacked an overall vision for my life, I thought having an academic blueprint was not important. But, I later found out how wrong I was!!!

 

Therefore; as a Dad, I didn’t want my children to repeat my mistakes. I wanted to make sure they understood the importance of education in helping them to accomplish the overall vision for their life.  See “Dads, You Must Create A Vision For Your Child’s Life” for more information. 

 

I sat down with each of them one-on-one and helped them to develop a blueprint for their academic success!!

 

In a follow up article, “A Dad’s Blueprint For Academic Success Part 2”, I will share more details on how to develop and implement an academic blueprint. 

 

 

Please provide me your comments on this topic. If you have additional topics you would like to see us discuss, please send me an email or post a comment.

 

Also, refer this site to other men you know, so we all can journey together!! 

 

For the woman in your life, my wife (Sylvia) has a personal development site focused specifically on the needs and concerns of women. The site is called, www.thedashlady.com. 

 

Also, we have a joint site focused on the needs and concerns of couples (i.e. married, engaged, and seriously dating). This site is focused on helping couples to grow together through personal development. The site is called, www.marriagerhythm.com.  

 

Please visit these sites and leave us a comment about the current posts. 

    

Again, thanks for visiting this site.   

 

Randy

The “DASH” Guy

randyclark@thedashguy.com

www.thedashguy.com

Uncategorized academic, achievement, education, fatherhood, fathers, parenting, personal development, success

 

A door slams loudly!!

Then a voice from behind the door shouts, “You are not my daddy!! You can’t tell me what to do!!!” 

This kind of exchange is far too often the norm and represents the “battle cry” between a step-father and his step-child.

Some of you may have heard these exact words or something similar in your own home during an angry exchange with your step-child.

Research indicates that marriages involving “blended” families have only a 20% chance of surviving, due to the complex relationships that exists within this family unit. This family unit may consist of his children, her children, and our children. Also, it may include relationships with the other biological parents to the children involved, particularly if any of the children are minors.

Depending on the ages of the children involved, the amount of conflict and stress that exists in these family units may be more than a lot of men are willing to endure. Normally, the younger the children the easier it is for the step-father to be accepted into his new family. If there are teenagers and adult children involved in the family unit, the more difficult it is to “win” the acceptance of the step-children.

Unfortunately, too many men make a common mistake early in the marriage, which contributes to a lot of the problems in these family units.   They are too anxious to establish themselves as the “head” of this new family, so they try to “impose” their rules and system of discipline into the life of a child who is already accustom to the system established by the mother.

Men, if you try to discipline your step-child without a relationship of love, it is a disaster waiting to happen!!  The child will reject your attempt to discipline them and rebel against you.

What can a step-father do to help to minimize the negative impact of his presence in his new family?

The following are five suggestions to help a step-father to “gel” with his new family.

1.)   The step-father must realize that he is not marrying just the mother, but he is marrying a woman with a child(ren). They are a “package deal”.

2.)   He should work hard to establish a relationship with the child(ren) before the marriage occurs. If he is not able to establish a healthy relationship with the child(ren), he should think long and hard about if this relationship is the right one for him.

Oftentimes, children will “fight” against their mother’s new relationship, because it is a threat to what they may be hoping for, which is for their parents to get back together.       

3.)   He should let the child know he is not trying to take the place of their biological father, but he does care about them and want to have a good relationship with them.  

During this conversation, he should discuss with the child what they will call him. The child may or may not want to refer to him as Dad. However; the name they agree on should be something that shows him respect. In other words, the child should not call the step-father by his first name. If they do, it should include the title “Mr.” (ex. Mr. John).

4.)   He should let the child know that he is not trying to take their mother away from them. Since they both love her, they can share her love, because she loves them both.

5.)   He should slowly and cautiously implement any new rules or changes in the home, only after discussing them with his wife and getting her support. The step-father needs to make sure he has his wife’s buy-in on the changes, otherwise; the children will seek their mother’s help in rebelling against the proposed changes. 

Yes, the odds are against the survival of a “blended” family, but a large portion of the success or failure of this family unit is based on how the step-father handles his role in his new family.

If the step-father works to build relationships of love in his new family, he will be accepted into the family as a friend. If he tries to impose his will on the family, without healthy relationships built on love, he will be perceive as a foe, and rejected by the family.

 

Please provide me your comments on this topic. If you have additional topics you would like to see us discuss, please send me an email or post a comment.

Also, refer this site to other men you know, so we all can journey together!! 

For the woman in your life, my wife (Sylvia) has a personal development site focused specifically on the needs and concerns of women. The site is called, www.thedashlady.com. 

Also, we have a joint site focused on the needs and concerns of couples (i.e. married, engaged, and seriously dating). This site is focused on helping couples to grow together through personal development. The site is called, www.marriagerhythm.com.  

Please visit these sites and leave us a comment about the current posts. 

Again, thanks for visiting this site.   

Randy

The “DASH” Guy

randyclark@thedashguy.com

www.thedashguy.com

Uncategorized blended family, fatherhood, manhood, parenting, step-dad, step-father, step-parent

 

As the “world” mourns the sudden and unexpected death of Michael Jackson, I guess his death will be one of those “historic markers” that we all have in our life.

 

In other words, these are major events in our history that are defining moments in our lives. Events such as the death of President John F. Kennedy, the death of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and now the death of Michael Jackson; these are events that impact us so, that they etch out a special place in our memory banks. 

 

We reference these events, by asking others, “Where were you when you heard that (JFK, Martin, or Michael) died?”

 

I will be honest with you; I was not going to write about the death of Michael Jackson, because I figured we would get a “full dose” of information from the news media. However; since I received several comments from others asking me if I planned to write a post on my site, I decided to write this one.

 

The more I thought about it, I felt Michael Jackson’s life is an example of what I am truly trying to challenge us all as men to do, live out our “DASH” (Dreams, Achievement, Success, and Happiness).

 

Michael’s dream of being an entertainer started as a young child and he achieved phenomenal success while bringing happiness to millions over a forty plus year career. I believe we can agree that he truly had a positive impact on the lives of others, which extended through multiple generations.

 

Yes, I know there are those who would like to define him and his life’s work by the accusation and trials that were media frenzies. Regardless, if we think the accusation are true or not, should not be the criteria by which Michael or anyone else is judged by society. I would submit that we should look at the collective body of a person’s life work to make a final determination of the impact (positively or negatively) of their life on society.

 

As I looked at the media coverage of large crowds of people gathered at various places throughout the world, which could be in some kind of way associated with Michael; they came together to support each other because they shared a common bond and love for Michael Jackson.

 

Obviously; these gatherings provides us a glimpse of what many individuals across various races and regions think of the man and his work. Many lives were impacted by this young child who was born in Gary Indiana, into a large family, from humble beginnings, but went on to become one of the greatest entertainers of history.

 

But, I couldn’t help but think about the “painful” side of Michael’s life. I saw a man even though he had obtain “superstar” status in a lot of people minds, seem to be living with a “void” he tried to, but could not fill.

 

It was not a secret that Michael’s relationship with his father was somewhat estranged. I believe he lived his life trying to please his father and to receive from him the affirmation and love every child needs.  Unfortunately, I am not sure he was successful in his quest for his father’s acceptance, and because he was not successful, it “stunted” Michael’s emotional and psychological development as a man, resulting in his eccentric life style later in his life.

 

In spite of his private pain, Michael did what many of us had to do; he tried to break the “cycle” with his own children. Yes, there has been a lot of controversy regarding his children. But, I believe Michael was trying to show his father through his relationship with his own children what he needed from him. He wanted to show his father the love and acceptance a father should willingly give to his child. 

 

Finally, regardless of which perspective or opinion we individually may have about the life of Michael Jackson, I believe history will remember him positively for the love and happiness he provided for many through his music and humanitarian actions.

 

Rest In Peace, Michael Jackson, thanks for living out your “DASH” in my lifetime. We all will miss you!!       

 

 

Please provide me your comments on this topic. If you have additional topics you would like to see us discuss, please send me an email or post a comment.

 

Also, refer this site to other men you know, so we all can journey together!! 

 

For the woman in your life, my wife (Sylvia) has a personal development site focused specifically on the needs and concerns of women. The site is called, www.thedashlady.com. 

 

Also, we have a joint site focused on the needs and concerns of couples (i.e. married, engaged, and seriously dating). This site is focused on helping couples to grow together through personal development. The site is called, www.marriagerhythm.com.  

 

Please visit these sites and leave us a comment about the current posts. 

    

Again, thanks for visiting this site.   

 

Randy

The “DASH” Guy

randyclark@thedashguy.com

www.thedashguy.com

Uncategorized achievement, fatherhood, fathers, Joe Jackson, men issues, men needs, Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson's Father, parenting, success

 

Men, I want to share with you Principle 3 of a 10 Principle report I developed called,

“10 Ways Dads Can Positively Impact Their Child”. 

 

 If you would like to receive all 10 Principles, request your FREE copy of the report in the request box on this site. 

 

 These are the same principles that I used in raising my three adult children. I think you will find these principles to be very practical, but yet powerful and impactful in the life of your child.  

 

 

3.    Children need a Dad to help them to create a vision for their life

 

 

Dads, we need to seek God’s face regarding what His purpose is for our child’s life.

 

“Where there is no vision, the people perish.” (Proverbs 29:18). We see the evidence of this everyday in our communities (i.e. teen pregnancy, gang violence, drug and alcohol abuse, etc.)

 

We need to help them develop a vision for their life. We need to help them to see the “Big Picture” of life, because children tend to operate in the immediate or presence, they tend not to give any attention to the future or long-term goals.

 

Therefore; as dads we can help them in this area by asking, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”  “What do you feel God wants you to do with your life?”

 

I believe when a child has a vision for their life, it helps them in many ways: it provides an overall direction for their life; it provides them the motivation to set and achieve goals; it provides them the self-discipline they need to stay focused; it helps them with their short and long-term decision-making; it helps them in determining which courses to take in school; it helps them to decide which college to attend and/or profession to pursue; and it helps them in choosing their friends. I use to tell my kids when they were growing up, “Choose your friends wisely, because people will either help you or hinder you from achieving your goals in life.”  

 

I remember when my youngest daughter was a little girl, around nine or ten years old. I asked her the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” This was a question I had asked her several times in the past, but this day she told me, “I want to be a doctor”. Like most parents, I was a little shocked, but excited about her declaration. I thought to myself, “Where did she get that idea from?” You see, we have a large family and there is not a doctor anywhere in her family tree on both sides.

 

As her dad, I had a choice that day. Either I would tell her how unrealistic her dream was or remember that children are like “wet cement”, they have “unlimited” potential.  (See Dads, Your Child Is Like “Wet Cement” for more information.) I chose the later. I decided that if she could conceive the idea of being a doctor, in spite of the odds stacked against her, as her dad I could believe it too.

 

I told her that day, “Yes, you can be a doctor!!”  I went even further; I started to create a vision in her life.

 

I told her, “Can’t you hear them; they are calling your name on the PA System!!”  “Doctor Sharonda Clark!!” “Calling, Doctor Sharonda Clark !!”   This great BIG smile came across her face, when see “saw” the vision I was creating for her life.

 

I will admit, one of the greatest joys of our lives, was when she received her Medical Degree in Psychiatry, from the University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston, Texas in May 2008.  As proud parents and family members of this new doctor, we raised in the air on graduation day a banner, which read: “Praise Him for a Dream 20 years in the Making; Realized!!”

 

Later that summer, during a reception we had honoring our daughter, Dr. Sharonda Clark. She shared with the audience at the reception, “There were many days along the way, I wanted to quit.”  “But, I could hear my daddy’s voice in my head saying,”  “Doctor Sharonda Clark!!”  “Calling, Doctor Sharonda Clark!!”  These words kept her focused on the goal.

 

Dads, what would have happened to this little girl’s dream, if I had made the mistake so many parents make, when they tell their child what they can not do, instead of encouraging them to pursue their dreams? 

 

Please don’t make this mistake in your child’s life!!

 

If you would like to receive all 10 Principles, request your FREE copy of the report in the request box on this site.   

 

 

Please provide me your comments on this topic. If you have additional topics you would like to see us discuss, please send me an email or post a comment.

 

Also, refer this site to other men you know, so we all can journey together!! 

 

For the woman in your life, my wife (Sylvia) has a personal development site focused specifically on the needs and concerns of women. The site is called, www.thedashlady.com. 

 

Also, we have a joint site focused on the needs and concerns of couples

(i.e. married, engaged, and seriously dating). This site is focused on helping couples to grow together through personal development. The site is called, www.marriagerhythm.com.  

 

Please visit these sites and leave us a comment about the current posts. 

    

Again, thanks for visiting this site.   

 

Randy

The “DASH” Guy

randyclark@thedashguy.com

www.thedashguy.com

 

 

 

 

 

Uncategorized achievement, fatherhood, fathers, men issues, men needs, parenting, success

Please provide me your comments on this topic. If you have additional topics you would like to see us discuss, please send me an email or post a comment.

Men, I want to share with you Principle 1 of a 10 Principle report I developed called,

“10 Ways Dads Can Positively Impact Their Child”. 

 

 

If you would like to receive all 10 Principles, request your FREE copy of the report in the request box on this site. 

 

 

These are the same principles that I used in raising my three adult children. I think you will find these principles to be very practical, but yet powerful and impactful in the life of your child.  

 

 

1.    Children need a Dad who understands that when they are born, they are like “wet cement”.

 

When I think of “wet cement”, it has great potential in every batch. It can be shaped into a great monument that is appreciated by all. It can be shaped into a bridge, to provide access to areas that were previously considered unreachable. It can be shaped into a building, which provides safety, shelter, and security for many. It can be shaped into the world’s largest football stadium, which can be used to host the Super Bowl and many other great events.

 

Or it can be shaped into a “pile of debris”, which becomes an eye sore and/or an obstacle to others.

 

The question we should asked ourselves. “What determines the difference in each of these batches of cement?” The answer is. “What ultimately happens to each batch of cement is determined by the vision of the one who has control over it.”

 

If he views the cement as worthless, then nothing of value will come out of it. However; if he looks at the cement through the “lens” of a great vision, something great will come out of it.

 

Dads, we must believe and help our children to believe as well, that wrapped up in them is “unlimited” potential.  

 

It has been said, that children are born in a state of “Tabular Rasa”, which is a Latin term that means “blank slate”.  The parents, the child, and the world around them “writes” on their slate, which ultimately determines what the child thinks about themselves, their view of others, their self-esteem, their level of confidence, etc. 

 

Therefore; as dads we must be careful what we say to our children, because words really do hurt!!

 

For example: We must not call our child names (i.e. stupid, retarded, hard-headed, etc.), because they will become what we tell them they are!! 

 

If you would like to receive all 10 Principles, request your FREE copy of the report in the request box on this site. 

 

 

 

Also, refer this site to other men you know, so we all can journey together!! 

 

For the woman in your life, my wife (Sylvia) has a personal development site focused specifically on the needs and concerns of women. The site is called, www.thedashlady.com. 

 

Also, we have a joint site focused on the needs and concerns of couples

(i.e. married, engaged, and seriously dating). This site is focused on helping couples to grow together through personal development. The site is called, www.marriagerhythm.com.  

 

Please visit these sites and leave us a comment about the current posts. 

    

Again, thanks for visiting this site.   

 

Randy

The “DASH” Guy

randyclark@thedashguy.com

www.thedashguy.com

Uncategorized achievement, fatherhood, fathers, men issues, men needs, parenting, success

 

President Barack Obama, a man who has accomplished great and amazing things in his life time. A Harvard Law School graduate, U.S. Senator, the 44^th President of the United States and the nation’s first African American President, but in spite of his success, there are some challenges in his life, which are “common” too many of us.  He was raised in a single-parent home by his mom with help from his grand-parents.

 

Since he was raised without his father, it helped him to understand the importance of

being involved in the lives of his own children.

 

Below are excerpters of his comments during a town hall meeting at the White House, where he invited some local youth and fathers from various backgrounds.

 

“And when fathers are absent — when they abandon their responsibilities to their children — we know the damage that that does to our families.  Some of you know the statistics:  Children who grow up without fathers are more likely to drop out of school and wind up in prison.  They’re more likely to have substance abuse problems, run away from home, and become teenage parents themselves.”

 

“And I say this as someone who grew up without a father in my own life.  I had a heroic mom and wonderful grandparents who helped raise me and my sister, and it’s because of them that I’m able to stand here today.  But despite all their extraordinary love and attention, that doesn’t mean that I didn’t feel my father’s absence.  That’s something that leaves a hole in a child’s heart that a government can’t fill.”

 

“If we want our children to succeed in life, we need fathers to step up.  We need fathers to understand that their work doesn’t end with conception — that what truly makes a man a father is the ability to raise a child and invest in that child.”

 

“I know that some of the young men who are here today might have their own concerns one day about being a dad.  Some of you might be worried that if you didn’t have a father, then you don’t know how to be one when your turn comes.  Some of you might even use that as an excuse, and say, “Well, if my dad wasn’t around, why should I be?”

 

“Let’s be clear:  Just because your own father wasn’t there for you, that’s not an excuse for you to be absent also — it’s all the more reason for you to be present.  There’s no rule that says that you have to repeat your father’s mistakes.  Just the opposite — you have an obligation to break the cycle and to learn from those mistakes, and to rise up where your own fathers fell short and to do better than they did with your own children.”

 

“That’s what I’ve tried to do in my life.  When my daughters were born, I made a pledge to them, and to myself, that I would do everything I could to give them some things I didn’t have.  And I decided that if I could be one thing in life, it would be to be a good father.”

 

To read the entire article, A Town Hall on Fatherhood.

Men, our children need us to be actively involved in their lives.

If you will join the President and other men who have decided to “break” the cycle of absentee fathers in the lives of their children, make a commitment today. Regardless of your involvement in the past, make a “fresh” start today.

Fathers Day is a GREAT day to make a new commitment to Fatherhood!!

To provide men with some practical ways to be more involved in their child’s life, I have written a report that I want you to have. To request your FREE copy of the, “10 Ways Dads Can Positively Impact Their Child”, see the request box on this site.

If you are struggling with some issues regarding your relationship with your father, please click on the following articles for more information, “Dealing With Your Daddy Wounds” and “Happy Fathers Day.

Please provide me your comments on this topic. If you have additional topics you would like to see us discuss, please send me an email or post a comment.

 

Also, refer this site to other men you know, so we all can journey together!! 

 

For the woman in your life, my wife (Sylvia) has a personal development site focused specifically on the needs and concerns of women. The site is called, www.thedashlady.com. 

 

Also, we have a joint site focused on the needs and concerns of couples

(i.e. married, engaged, and seriously dating). This site is focused on helping couples to grow together through personal development. The site is called, www.marriagerhythm.com.  

 

Please visit these sites and leave us a comment about the current posts. 

    

Again, thanks for visiting this site.   

 

Randy

The “DASH” Guy

randyclark@thedashguy.com

www.thedashguy.com

Uncategorized achievement, fatherhood, fathers, men issues, men needs, parenting, president Obama Speaks on Fatherhood, success

 

Recently, I received a video, which was one of the most powerful videos I have ever seen before. I am quite sure you may have received it as well.

 

The video was called, “Knock, Knock” by Daniel Beaty. If you have not seen it, please view it now (Click on the name of video).

 

In this video, Beaty shares about his relationship with his “papa” (his father).

 

When he was a little boy, they had a game they played each day called,

“Knock, Knock”.

 

Beaty shares a passionate story of a father’s love for his son and a son’s love for his father. However; Beaty’s relationship with his father was suddenly and

un-expectantly interrupted, because his father went to jail for some unknown reason.

 

Beaty shares the pain he has felt for over 25 years growing up without his father in his life and the things he “lacked” because his father was not there to teach them to him. See “Happy” Fathers Day and “Dealing With Your Daddy Wounds” for more information.

 

Unfortunately, Beaty’s story is an all too familiar story today. It is the story of many young boys (and girls) across our land, which awakens each day with an ever presence pain and the taste of “salty” tears related to not having their father in their life.

 

Like Beaty, these children are trying to “heal” from their “daddy wounds”, but they often don’t know how. Some turn to gangs and violence; drugs and alcohol; sex; etc. just trying to numb their pain. These methods do not work; they only lead to creating negative “cycles” in their lives and families that continue throughout future generations, until someone decides to break the cycle.

 

Men, just like Beaty, our sons (and daughters) need to be affirmed by us!! They need to know that we love them and we are proud of them. Yes, they may hear

“I love you” from their moms, but they need to hear it from us as well.

 

There are a lot of men (young and old a like) going through life with a “chip” on their shoulder, with bad attitudes, with an underline frustration in their lives, or an unhealthy competitive spirit, all because they wanted their father’s approval, but did not receive it. They say, “If I achieve this goal or obtain that goal, then my father will love and acknowledge me.”

 

Men, there are some things in life our children will “lack”, if they don’t receive it

from us!!

 

But, like Beaty, many of us have made it in life in spite of not having our fathers’ presence and involvement in our lives. However; many of us are still wondering what we could have accomplished with his help.

 

I have developed a report, “10 Ways Dads Can Positively Impact Their Child”, to request your FREE copy of this report now. See the request box on this website.

 

Please provide me your comments on this topic. If you have additional topics you would like to see us discuss, please send me an email or post a comment.

 

Also, refer this site to other men you know, so we all can journey together!! 

 

For the woman in your life, my wife (Sylvia) has a personal development site focused specifically on the needs and concerns of women. The site is called, www.thedashlady.com. 

 

Also, we have a joint site focused on the needs and concerns of couples

(i.e. married, engaged, and seriously dating). This site is focused on helping couples to grow together through personal development. The site is called, www.marriagerhythm.com.  

 

Please visit these sites and leave us a comment about the current posts. 

    

Again, thanks for visiting this site.   

 

Randy

The “DASH” Guy

randyclark@thedashguy.com

www.thedashguy.com

Uncategorized achievement, fatherhood, fathers, men issues, men needs, parenting, success

If you have not read “What Happens When a Man Lose His Job (Part 1)”, I would suggest that you read it before continuing; otherwise; the suggestions below will not make much sense.

 

 

Since a man’s job is such an important part of his life. “What can he do to minimize the negative affects of the lost of a job?”

 

I would like to suggest that he do the following: Reflect, Renew, Reassess, and Refocus.

 

Reflect:

 

Instead of focusing on the negative (in this case the lost of a job), focus on the positive. My career with Company “XZY” has ended, but I am thankful that I was able to work there “X” years and provide for my family. You can be more specific (i.e. “I was able to send my kids to college”, “I was able to pay off my mortgage.” etc.)

 

Also, try to avoid negative people. These may be in the form of former co-workers, friends, or family members. These individuals are focused on the negative only. They may say to you, “Man I can’t believe they did you like that, after all those years you had with that company.” “That is not right!!”

 

Why should these negative people be avoided? Their negative comments will cause you to waste time and energy sitting around and pondering about what “happened” to you. Also, it encourages a “victim” mindset, instead of helping you to move forward with your life. It will often result in anger and frustration about a door (or opportunity) that has closed in your life, instead of the doors that are open.

 

Renew:

 

Renew your mind. Read a book you have always wanted to read but couldn’t find the time. Go back to college and complete a degree you started or just take a class to enrich your life or retool your skill set. Take up a new hobby or spend more time doing something you enjoy.

 

It is important to do what I refer to as, “de-program” your mind. In other words, get the old job out of your mind to make room for your new opportunity. Depending on how long you were with your former employer, you have spent a lot of time focused on meeting the company’s goals and objectives. The focus now should be primarily on your goals and future plans.

 

I would like to recommend a couple books to read that will help you renew your mind. “Who Moved My Cheese?” by Spencer Johnson and “Dare to Dream” by John C. Maxwell. Click the book titles in the Recommended Resources Section to order these books now!!

 

Reassess:

 

The lost of a job is a “transition” period in your life. It is a time to reassess where you are currently in your life compared to your long-term goals. Take a look at your current skills set and compare them to the market demands, it will let you know if you need to go back to college to complete that degree, pursue an advance degree or take some classes to retool your skills set.

 

Maybe you have always wanted to have your own business, determine if that is the right option for you during this season in your life.

 

Maybe you have always wanted to teach; this may be the time to do it.

 

Maybe you were getting “burnout” anyway with your previous job, so you may want to consider a less stressful job or a job in another industry.

 

Remember a transition period is a good time to reassess where you are currently compared to your long-term goals.

 

Let me share one final note on this area. When I talk with friends who have lost their jobs, I focus my conversation primarily on this area. I tell them, “Think about where you want to go in your life.”  “What do you want to accomplish in your life time?” “What is your final destination point?”

 

I let them know, “Sometimes when we are traveling we have to transfer to another vehicle (i.e. bus, train, airplane, etc.), because the one we are currently riding on can only carry us so far, it does not go to our final destination point.” “Therefore, we have to transfer to another vehicle that is going where we want to go.”

 

The lost of a job can be a “transfer point” in your career travel plans!!

 

Refocus:

           

Once you decide which course of action you will take, commit your full attention and energy to your new venture and future, don’t waste time looking back at the “closed” door.  

 

In conclusion, losing a job can be a difficult situation, but is not the end of the world; it just might be the “boot” you needed to pursue your dreams!!

 

Please provide me your comments on this topic. If you have additional topics you would like to see us discuss, please send me an email or post a comment.

 

Also, refer this site to other men you know, so we all can journey together!! 

 

For the woman in your life, my wife (Sylvia) has a personal development site focused specifically on the needs and concerns of women. The site is called, www.thedashlady.com. 

 

Also, we have a joint site focused on the needs and concerns of couples (i.e. married, engaged, and seriously dating). This site is focused on helping couples to grow together through personal development. The site is called, www.marriagerhythm.com.  

 

Please visit these sites and leave us a comment about the current posts. 

    

Again, thanks for visiting this site.   

 

Randy

The “DASH” Guy

randyclark@thedashguy.com

www.thedashguy.com

Uncategorized achievement, fatherhood, fathers, men issues, men needs, parenting, success, unemployed men

 

 

“I lost my job today.” “I was laid-off today.” Or some variation of these words has been spoken in the homes of hundreds of thousands of U.S. families during the last year. The unemployment rate is the highest it has been in more than 25 years, providing proof of the “hold” the recession has on our economy.

 

The total number of U.S. workers unemployed has reached more than 14.5 million. But, the bright spot, if there is one, is the layoffs are slowing down.

 

Since the current unemployment is 9.4 % and millions of U.S. workers are looking for work many families are experiencing challenges in ways they have never faced before.

 

But a question I want to consider, “What happens to a family when a man loses his job?”

 

Since men tend to be the primary (or sole) income earner in many families, when the man lose his job the economic survival of the family is threaten.  Depending on the age of the man, not only those in his immediate family, but those in his extended families may be affected by this sudden lost of income.

 

For example; If the man is over 40 years old, he may have kids in high school and/or college; he may be helping to support aging parents, so the lost of his income can have a “domino affect” on the entire family.

 

Even though during this season in a man’s life the financial responsibility may be at the highest point; he is able to handle it, because his income is normally at the highest point as well. Therefore; he does not mind it; as a matter of fact; he may even develop a sense of pride knowing that he is taking care of those who are depending on him.

 

But when the man loses his job and is not able to take care of his family, he can be affected in many ways.  He may feels like a “failure”; he may start to lose confidence in his abilities and doubt his “self-worth”; his self-esteem may drop to it lowest point. He may become frustrated, angry, depressed, and even suicidal.

 

Some of you may be going through this situation right now or have in the past; therefore; you can relate to the items above.  

 

The question I want us to consider, “Why does a lost of a job have such a negative impact on a man?”

 

I believe, the reason a man may experience this emotional “roller coaster” when he loses his job is because his job is not just what he does to earn money for his family, but a “BIG” part of his identity. What a man does for a living kind of “indirectly” defines who he is to himself, his family and others. His job can provide him status in the community and a big boost to his ego and self-esteem.

 

When men meet each other for the first time, one of the questions that normally come up during this initial conversation is, “What do you do for a living?”  Or “Who do you work for?”

 

Men use their occupations to relate to each other. For example, Tom may ask Bill, “Who is that guy over there?”  Bill says, “Oh; that is Bob the banker.” Or “That is Bob; he is a VP at the bank.”

 

Since a man’s job is such an important part of his life. “What can he do to minimize the negative affects of a lost of a job?”

 

In Part 2 of this article, “What Happens When A Man Lose His Job Part 2”, I will provide some suggestions to help men to deal with the lost of a job.

 

 

Please provide me your comments on this topic. If you have additional topics you would like to see us discuss, please send me an email or post a comment.

 

Also, refer this site to other men you know, so we all can journey together!! 

 

For the woman in your life, my wife (Sylvia) has a personal development site focused specifically on the needs and concerns of women. The site is called, www.thedashlady.com. 

 

Also, we have a joint site focused on the needs and concerns of couples (i.e. married, engaged, and seriously dating). This site is focused on helping couples to grow together through personal development. The site is called, www.marriagerhythm.com.  

 

Please visit these sites and leave us a comment about the current posts. 

    

Again, thanks for visiting this site.   

 

Randy

The “DASH” Guy

randyclark@thedashguy.com

www.thedashguy.com

 

 

Uncategorized achievement, fatherhood, fathers, job security, men issues, men needs, parenting, success, unemployed men

Contrary to popular belief, a college athlete can truly be a student and an athlete.  Unfortunately, student-athletes like Myron Rolle, a star football player at Florida State University (FSU) don’t seem to get the same level of “press” as those athletes who break the law or become ineligible due low grades.

 

I found Rolle’s story like a “breathe” of fresh air. As I read his story, it became very apparent to me that someone in his life had created a great vision for him. In this case it was his mother (Beverly) and father (Whitney). They were able to help him to see that he can be anything he wanted to be and the only limits in his life is those he place on himself. As a matter of fact, the Rolle family philosophy is a combination of respect and drive.

 

Rolle is not only an outstanding football player, but he plans to become a neurosurgeon; a dream that many think is impossible.

 

In some people minds, being an athlete is a “full-time” job, so they make excuses for their poor performance in the classroom. However; Rolle is proving you can do both, and do them both well. He graduated from FSU in 2 ½ years as a pre-med major.

 

What I believe makes this young man so unique, he has chosen to take a leave from football and possibly a NFL career (and the associated riches) to become a neurosurgeon. He plans to attend Oxford University as a Rhodes Scholar.

 

You are probably asking, “Why is that important?” 

 

It is important, because too many young men have sold their “souls” to the “athletic gods” of our day and they are willing to sacrifice life and limbs to achieve their athlete goals.

 

I believe Rolle is a good role model for younger athletes for two reasons: 1.) He is a student first 2.) He is an athlete second.

 

Rolle seems to understand what so many do not, the chances of him becoming a neurosurgeon is much greater than him being a star in the NFL. Also, he realized that his career as a neurosurgeon would probably be much longer than a career in the NFL.  Therefore; this young man has his priority straight. He sees and understands the “BIG” picture of life.

 

Mr. Rolle, I salute you!!  Keep focused on your dreams. Continue to prove them wrong regarding your abilities.

 

Don’t allow those who seek to benefit from “YOUR Back” to persuade you to settle for less than what you have planned for your life.

 

I believe if Whitney and Beverly Rolle have anything to do with it, they will not let that happen.

 

Keep dreaming and achieving my brother the future looks bright for you!!

 

Please provide me your comments on this topic. If you have additional topics you would like to see us discuss, please send me an email or post a comment.

 

Also, refer this site to other men you know, so we all can journey together!! 

 

 

For the woman in your life, my wife (Sylvia) has a personal development site focused specifically on the needs and concerns of women. The site is called, www.thedashlady.com. 

 

Also, we have a joint site focused on the needs and concerns of couples (i.e. married, engaged, and seriously dating). This site is focused on helping couples to grow together through personal development. The site is called, www.marriagerhythm.com.  

 

Please visit these sites and leave us a comment about the current posts. 

    

Again, thanks for visiting this site.   

  

Randy

The “DASH” Guy

randyclark@thedashguy.com

www.thedashguy.com

 

 

Uncategorized achievement, dreams, fatherhood, fathers, men issues, men needs, parenting, success